Find Your Place To Communicate

Life seems to move pretty fast. Throw in an, almost, two year old boy, yellow lab and all of the daily to-do’s leaves little time to communicate with your significant other.

Communication is the foundation to a deeply connected and rooted relationship

When you have a family, a job, dinner, laundry, family outings, whatever it is, communication with your partner is typically the one thing that gets tossed to the side.

During the first half of last year my wife and I’s communication, which we’ve been so strong with in the past, took a beating. It began to suffer.

We were experiencing a period where stress was at an all time high for the both of us. Instead of communicating our way through it, we either kept it to ourselves (which adds fuel to the fire) or only scratched the surface when we decided to express ourselves.

Either way, it wasn’t a healthy time.

We weren’t in a damaging place by any means, far from it, we just weren’t where we typically were in terms of our communication. So we didn’t really know how to respond or move forward.

We always remind each other that we’re a team.

When you begin to see things differently and your perspective changes, the shield slowly begins to open. Tweet this

The barrier, or resistance, that was keeping you from openly communicating in an honest and vulnerable environment begins to feel threatened.

It starts to back off.

To continue pushing the barrier further away you both must take intentional paths to combat that resistance. It’s not a decision and it’s done. It’s a decision to continually work at it. Unfortunately, it’s never done.

The resistance is always paying attention. It’s waiting for one of you to slack off and forget about the work.¬†Tweet this

Part of that intentional process for my wife and I was creating a place to communicate

Often times with the days just cruising by it’s not always face-to-face.

So we created a place to share our gratitude’s for one another and our family. We created a place to openly express and share from the heart. We created a place to discuss our dreams and aspirations.

We created a journal, for the two of us

It’s a Moleskine journal with a collage of photos glued to the outside cover. There are photos from the early days to the present days.

A constant reminder of our journey together. A reminder of where we came from and what we experienced, together.

It’s a visual of our growth.

We each write in it. I will write something, directed to her or to us as a whole. I don’t directly hand it to her. I put it in a place that’s part of her normal routine.

Sometimes it’s one day after another when we exchange the journal, sometimes it’s a week or two before we see it back. The idea is not to expect it, but to see it, smile, and become one with the words.

She’ll do the same for me. Place it somewhere that I’ll notice it; my bag, my car and so on.

They almost act as notes to one another. It’s not a place to gripe, it’s a place for peace, dreams and reflections. It’s a place to be honest and vulnerable.

It’s a place for the subtle reminders of how fortunate we are to have one another, and our beautiful family. It takes us back to college orientation where we first became aware of each other’s existence.

Times have changed, we’ve changed, but we’re changing together, as a family.

We sometimes live on cruise control and simply forget to take a moment and communicate with one another. To share the things we think about late at night or when driving from place to place.

The things that occupy our minds when it starts to wonder. The good things, the things we’re thankful for, the things that we see in our future.

Share those thoughts

Whether it’s on your weekly date night or on the couch watching TV or in a journal. Just get them out to the person that needs to hear them.

You may find your vulnerability will surface easier through the written word rather than with a face-to-face conversation. Don’t let the fear of a conversation keep you from sharing your heart.

Find a place that will work for the both of you.

Your relationship will deepen.

Communicate. Be vulnerable. Find your place to connect. Change and reinvent, together. The best is yet to come. Tweet this

Do you notice different means of communication, or places to connect, with your various relationships; friends, family, significant others, etc?


About Eric Ungs

Eric Ungs writes about a journey of intentional self growth, nudging you to let go; to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and honest with yourself so you can give your best self to others. Author of 10 Incredible Ways to Live a Fulfilling and Joyful Life ebook.