Understand Four Dialects to Garner Deeper Relationships

Committing to an intentional path of self growth opens your eyes.

It opens your eyes to see the real you. It peels back the layers to get to the core that makes up you. You then are able to grow the things you want to grow and fix the things you want to fix.

You change. You reinvent.

Give yourself to others

It also opens your eyes to your surroundings. It sheds tremendous light on new perspectives.

Part of an intentional journey is giving yourself to others. Surrendering yourself to those who are part of your life.

Along this path I was introduced to a new perspective, one that was staring me in the face. It saw me, I just didn’t see it; I didn’t have the right perspective, or mindset, to see it.

Understand the four dialects for deeper relationships

Revealed in Andy Andrews The Noticer are four dialects we use to convey and feel loved.

Part of this journey is looking inward to one self, but with equal importance, looking externally to your surroundings. Share this on Twitter

Looking beyond oneself and identifying with the dialect that the people closest to you speak.

Andy Andrews identifies four main dialect groups that people speak, or need to feel:

1.) Spoken words of approval

The “I love you’s” or “you look beautiful today” or “thanks for making dinner tonight”. Those words of gratitude, love and appreciation, the words that make people feel good.

2.) Favors and deeds

These tend to be the “honey do lists” or simple gestures like fixing things around the house that are broken, doing the dishes, hanging those pictures and paintings your wife has been asking you to do for months.

3.) Physical contact

This can be as simple as a pat on the back, a hug, a kiss all the way to the other end of the spectrum.

4.) Quality time

It doesn’t matter what is being done with this dialect; saying “I love you” or doing the dishes or a simple kiss on the cheek, the only thing that matters is that you are spending quality time with the other person.

As Andy points out the way we feel loved is also many times the same way we express love.

Therefore, it’s ever so important to hone in on the types of cues the other person is giving in how they both express love and how they need to feel loved.

It’s not about you, it’s about them

This was such a profound revelation for me.

Thinking back I can hear my wife saying words like, “can we just sit on the couch and watch a movie tonight?” or “can we just watch TV and spend some time together?” and always thinking to myself “I’m right next to you” (on the computer with my ear buds in reading or writing).

I wouldn’t necessarily ignore her, I would acknowledge her and come up with some excuse not to partake.

Granted I was still in the same room, and sometimes even on the same couch, but the time that we were together wasn’t quality time.

It wasn’t time being spent purely with one another. I wasn’t paying attention to the cues she was giving me on how she needs, and wants, to feel loved.

So now I recognize and surrender to those cues.

It’s not every time, sometimes they pass without me instantly recognizing them. It’s only upon reflection do I know I missed them in the first place, then keeping an intentional eye out for the next cue.

When I do recognize them, I take an intentional pause and surrender.

I speak her language of love.

Keep the flame going

During those first phases of a relationship we’re so in tune with these dialects because we are intently listening to each other to better understand who each other are.

But, as the relationship evolves we tend to get too relaxed. We tend to get caught on our heals and just simply go through the motions.

Relationships aren’t easy. They take effort.

Regardless of what stage you are in with a particular relationship you must always be on your toes putting in the appropriate amount of effort it deserves. The nourishment and attention it needs.

This means becoming more aware of those dialects throughout. Never overlooking or tossing those signs to the side.

The foundation of this journey is being intentional.

When you create intentional habits, cues around you become more apparent and noticeable. You are more aware of yourself and more in tune with your surroundings and the present moment.

When you notice those cues of dialect, stop to fully recognize them, and more importantly, take action on those cues. Give yourself to the other person and speak their language of love.

This will reconnect and rejuvenate your relationships.

Give yourself to others. Reflect. Become more mindful of dialect cues. Be intentional. Take action. Share this on Twitter

Reflecting on current or past relationships what dialect cues were you unable to recognize at the time?


Photo credit: fechi fajardo via photopin cc

About Eric Ungs

Eric Ungs writes about a journey of intentional self growth, nudging you to let go; to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and honest with yourself so you can give your best self to others. Author of 10 Incredible Ways to Live a Fulfilling and Joyful Life ebook.