It’s Time You Give Zero Fucks

Have you ever thought about who you become based on the people who are in the room or around the table with you?

It’s quite fascinating upon closer examination. If you sit down and notice who you become and tune into the emotions over taking your body when certain people begin to fill the room or sit down around the table.

It’s fascinating to the point you realize you become somebody you are not for the sake of who’s in the room. The fascination moves quickly to depressing. It’s disgusting how someone’s presence can have such a negative effect on us.

Being mindful of this you’ll begin to see yourself shut down. You’ll soon stop sharing ideas, you’ll close your authentic self off never putting forth the uniqueness of your abilities and who you are to the efforts of the broader group.

That’s the underlying issue, not only does this impact you and how you feel, but it impacts everyone else in the room not getting to see and hear the authentic you. The you who would normally lighten the serious tone with a sarcastic joke, or the you who would normally spew out crazy and far fetched ideas knowing they’ll potentially spark other ideas.

The effect that this has on me, on you, is detrimental. It’s paralyzing. It’s a show-stopper. It’s the difference between having someone write your script versus you writing your own. It suffocates your unique gifts, the very things you were given to give back to the world.

How do we find ourselves in this position?

Maybe it’s from what someone has said or didn’t say. Maybe it’s from a reaction they had that you weren’t expecting. Maybe it’s from the whispers that other’s are sharing with each other, presumably about you.

Because of our innate human nature, our reaction to their reaction is to come up with a narrative. Our brain’s are wired to have a beginning, middle and end in order to fully understand something. Based on these unwarranted reactions from others we begin to tell ourselves a story.

“She must think my idea was the worst, or gosh, what am I even doing here, I’m not equipped to even be part of this conversation, I’m not good enough.”

As these initial thoughts, assumptions, begin to swirl in our minds we begin to form that narrative. The beginning is well under way, we then form the middle based off of the beginning and soon the ending is in sight.

We now have a story we are telling ourselves.

Lately, I’ve been caring too much about this story. I’m finding myself lost in it. I’m noticing myself put up these blockers and shields when certain people are in the room for fear of this story that I’ve created taking place once again. So, I lean back and observe. I take it all in, not contributing my wholehearted self. Instead, I wait until after where I mention ideas and thoughts in passing.

I’m not myself. I’m sick and tired of not feeling that I can put forth my true self. I am sick and tired of this fear stepping in and overtaking my true self.

Whether the reaction that started this narrative was warranted or unwarranted, the reality is that it’s part of their world. Their world is the one that had this kind of reaction. Me responding to it, or me reacting to their reaction, is merely me pulling part of their world into mine. It’s merely letting their world effect the wholeness of mine. Therefore, it disrupts the authentic me.

It’s hard to not take things personally. It’s something to be mindful of every day. That’s why, I look at this as my daily reminder…

“Give zero fucks about what other people think.”

Tweet that

The more I can live through this lens and behavior the more I’m able to present my true self. Doing this provides my unique abilities to others. Doing this is being alive, and not just a bystander observing and witnessing life.

Life’s too short to be living in this wide open world trapped in a dogma of a fictional story taking things personally. Tweet this

I realized I can do something about it. I can control my reactions to those unwarranted and unnecessary reactions of others.

And that’s not giving two fucks about what other people think. I can do something about it by always being myself. I can do something about it by doing the things that I love and enjoy doing and not being afraid of being all in with those things.

Man is life too short to give fucks about what other people think. So, I’m not going to.

I encourage you to do the same.

Giving zero fucks doesn’t mean disrespect to others.

It simply means you are beating off the demons in your head from paying attention to the critics and naysayers. It’s the battle ground for shutting down the negative head chatter narrating the story that gets created. It’s the hammer to continually pound away at the armor that immediately goes up; the facade we try to hide behind. It’s the reminder to not take things personally; to not bring a piece of somebody else’s world into yours.

It’s not about being disrespectful, it’s about finding inner peace to live your life the way you want to live. To live your life through your wholehearted self. To truly and authentically be all in. To be you, always.

“If you own the story, you get to write the ending.” — Brene Brown Tweet this

Own your story, don’t let the reactions and comments from others drown out the essence of who you are. Eliminate the ego’s energy source; your attention to it.

Never let fear of other’s potential reactions stand in the way of being your true self.

Photo credit: Lotus Carroll

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About Eric Ungs

Eric Ungs writes about a journey of intentional self growth, nudging you to let go; to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and honest with yourself so you can give your best self to others. Author of 10 Incredible Ways to Live a Fulfilling and Joyful Life ebook.

6 Comments

  1. This post came at the right time. I have struggled with this for a long time. It’s always good to read the same things from others, and realize that it is not only me.

    Thanks for sharing.

    1. Eric Ungs

      Thanks David. That’s actually a beautiful thing. The deeper we go, the more we realize it’s universal. The trick is in getting to that deeper place.

  2. I have been following you for a long time. Thank you for your wisdom, but I have to say how much I hate the word f… as a mother, as a former teacher and as a current consultant /coach/mentor. That word is always somewhat negative and ugly. It allows us to hide certain emotions behind it, & doesn’t allow us to express fully the true feelings in rich and beautiful English, like what we feel inside.
    I have a few secrets what I teach my clients. Remember, there are just a few people whose opinion is important to you. You are the one who decides who to listen to, and who to ignore. And the second thing is stop trying to be liked. Like yourself, have chutzpah to do crazy things without any guilt or shame. Thx, Olga

    1. Eric Ungs

      I can see that Olga, about the f-word, and I definitely can respect that. I agree with you, on your secret you teach. You should have a list of people who you actually do care about what they think of you. It’s essential. However, that list should be short. Liking yourself, that’s really the essence of the UYC project – to take care of yourself first. You have to like and love yourself first in order to give those things wholeheartedly to others. I so appreciate your comment and for the continued support of the UYC project. Thanks Olga!

  3. Judith

    So true! I have been learning about the story I tell myself and am trying to rewrite it. It is amazing that once you become aware of something how your perspective changes. Life is becoming more of an adventure of being my authentic self rather than living out what I think others want me to be. Thanks for such a wonderful post.

    1. Eric Ungs

      You’re welcome Judith. Isn’t it amazing what we can discover when we just pay attention? That is the starting point to personal change. It’s time we start paying attention and get crazy curious with what we discover. Thanks for reading and the comment!

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