Pathway for Connection

The question isn’t so much, are you parenting the right way? as it is: are you the adult that you want your child to grow up to be? – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

As I read these lines a feeling took over my body. A feeling of gratitude.

I am thankful for when this transformation and growth I’ve experienced occurred. I am thankful for when this shift in mindset changed my entire perspective on myself and my life.

Timing is a funny thing, somehow when looking backwards the dots seem to connect in a way that you couldn’t have even hoped for or imagined; let alone knowing they were even forming in the first place.

I wasn’t being the person I would want my son to be

If today, I was the person I was twelve months ago, I wouldn’t have been doing my son any favors. Not that I wasn’t providing a loving and caring place, it’s just that I wasn’t working on and presenting my best self to him.

He’s about to turn two years old, a year ago he wasn’t quite at that stage where the sponge of his being was in full force observing and soaking up all the things around him to have a lasting impression.

During that time it was extremely stressful, there were intense conversations within the home; not in front of him, but after he went to bed. Regardless, there was just something in the air, all stemming from me; the stress, the anxiety, the emotional struggle.

I was the root of it and it affected those around me.

An intentional journey of self growth

This is, and always will be, a continuous process for me; self-care, working to create the best version of myself.

As the dots aligned for this transformation and journey, the version of myself today, and the one I am becoming, is the version that I want my son to see and be around.

What we are teaches the child more than what we say, so we must be what we want our children to become. – Brene Brown, Daring Greatly

Relationships are never about you

In order to give your best self to others, you first need to be selfish to lay that foundation; emotionally, spiritually and physically. You first must commit to this journey of self growth.

Upon doing so you become better equipped to give to others

When you present your best self to your surrounding world, it’s impacted; the people, the relationships. Unfortunately, in that same breath, the world is affected when presenting your worst self.

It’s never about you, it’s about what you are able to give to others when you are your best self. Tweet this

The only way to present your best self externally is to feel it from the inside first. It takes intentional action from a place of purpose. It can’t be a facade that you present to the world.

If we want our children to love and accept who they are, we must love and accept who we are first.

I am thankful that my son gets to see this version of me; to wrestle with, play catch with, walk with, laugh with, cry with, read with; all with the real me.

A year ago that wasn’t me. That was me not taking care of myself first. That was me letting my stress and anxiety shape the lens in which I saw and did things. It was that facade that ultimately had a negative affect on those around me.

Make the choice to connect with yourself on a daily and consistent basis; through reading, reflection, writing; or whatever it is that provides a pathway for connection. Tweet this

Take care of yourself first so you can truly give to others later, the best way you can and know how. To make a difference in, and be part of, something much larger than yourself.

Have you ever looked back at your life to see how the dots somehow aligned? Share your story in the comments below?


Photo credit: fiddleoak

About Eric Ungs

Eric Ungs writes about a journey of intentional self growth, nudging you to let go; to give yourself permission to be vulnerable and honest with yourself so you can give your best self to others. Author of 10 Incredible Ways to Live a Fulfilling and Joyful Life ebook.


  1. I still can’t connect the dots when I looked back at my life. Maybe it’s because I still hold some resentments and disappoinment about my past.

    Yet, I think I can see the shadows of the line as I begin to improve myself and maybe the lines will align itself as I grow myself.

    1. I think you’re exactly right. As you travel the journey of self growth, the lines become more focused. Just twelve months ago all I saw were dots; mistakes, failures, regrets. I think you are heading in the right direction. Stay the path. Thanks so much for reading Wan. Always enjoy you stopping by! 🙂

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